Managing Up Without Melting Down: How to Tackle Workload Overwhelm

Feeling overwhelmed by endless work demands? It’s time to manage up, set boundaries, and take back control—without losing your cool. Your well-being matters just as much as the work.

Managing your leader can feel like navigating a maze. And no, I don’t mean in a "manipulative" or Machiavellian way. It’s about working with them to create a workload that’s actually manageable and a dynamic that’s balanced enough to let both of you do your best work without imploding. Simple, right?

I’ve been there: watching objectives roll in from every direction—peers, stakeholders, and, let’s be honest, even from myself—without any real discussion or alignment on what’s truly urgent or important. It’s the Wild West of workplace priorities. Many of the leaders I work with admit they dread the juggling act of "managing" conversations across different leaders and functions, where everyone is convinced their objective is the Holy Grail.

If only this magical prioritisation happened consistently at the top! Some organisations nail it, especially smaller ones where everyone knows what’s at stake. But let’s face it—in the corporate giants, the same old silos, territorial turf wars, and "my function’s bigger than your function" games still thrive. It’s almost enough to make you wonder if anyone’s noticed we’re all working with the same 24 hours in a day.

Here’s a brain-science twist: our brains aren’t wired for endless prioritisation under stress. The prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for decision-making and planning—gets overloaded pretty quickly when faced with too many competing demands. What happens next? We fall back on shortcuts, like saying yes to everything or focusing only on what’s loudest, not what’s most important. It’s biology, not weakness, but it’s also a problem.

At some point, I realised that waiting for my boss to magically set better boundaries was about as realistic as finding a unicorn in the office pantry. If I wanted balance, I had to take charge—not just of the workload, but of the conversation. Here’s what I learned along the way.

1. Understand What’s Driving Them

Before jumping straight into frustration (which, let’s be honest, is easy to do), take a moment to put yourself in your leader's shoes. What’s going on for them? Are they under pressure to deliver results? Trying to please peers or higher-ups? Maybe they struggle to say no because they’re conflict-averse or worried about missing opportunities.

When I started looking at the “why” behind my leader's behaviour, it shifted the way I approached conversations. Instead of venting, I came at it with curiosity and a bit more empathy. It’s not about excusing the behaviour, but understanding it so you can address it more effectively.

2. Set the Stage for the Conversation

Once I had a clearer picture of their perspective, the next step was to have the conversation. I’ve learned that clarity and collaboration are key here. Start by calmly explaining the impact of the current situation:

"I’ve noticed that with the additional objectives being added, it’s becoming challenging to maintain the same quality of work and speed across all priorities."

This approach focuses on the work and its outcomes, not on blaming your boss. Then, shift to problem-solving mode:

"Are you in the position to help me review my objectives to make things more manageable for everyone? If you are able to air cover me to drop something then great - let's work this out, if not, then I am going to have to order the list in terms of what gets done first, and we will together need to manage our stakeholders."

Most managers respond better to solutions than complaints. By offering a way forward, you’re demonstrating ownership while also drawing a line where needed.

3. Build the Relationship

Here’s the thing: If you take the time to build a strong relationship with your boss, these conversations get so much easier. Trust and honesty create a safe space to raise concerns, discuss challenges, and find collaborative solutions. When that trust is there, it’s less about convincing them of your perspective and more about working together as a team to tackle the workload.

But what if that trust isn’t there? It’s still worth having the conversation. Even if the relationship isn’t as strong as you’d like, approaching it professionally and constructively can still lead to positive outcomes. Management, after all, is a two-way street—it’s not just your manager’s job to manage you; it’s also about how you manage up.

Now, let’s be real: some leaders just don’t engage. Maybe they’re dismissive, blame-shifting, or even gaslighting you. Unfortunately, these leaders exist, and when you’re dealing with one, it can feel isolating and exhausting. That’s when you need to shift into self-protection mode - see section 6.

When it gets to this point, take a step back and get some perspective. Work is important, yes, but it’s not the be-all and end-all of life. Focus on what you can control, look after your well-being, and remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to a single job or manager. Sometimes, the healthiest move is to step back and recalibrate—for your own sanity and balance.

4. Set Boundaries Without Burning Bridges

This one’s a biggie. For a long time, I thought saying “no” would make me seem difficult or uncooperative. But here’s the thing: setting boundaries isn’t about refusing work—it’s about being realistic and delivering quality. Think about it this way: if you’re on a production line decorating cakes, and you promise to finish five a minute but can only realistically do three, no one’s going to thank you when only three roll off the line and the rest are a mess.

The same principle applies to working in an office. Being honest about what you can achieve ensures that what you deliver is done well, and it helps build credibility. Saying ‘no’ or pushing back isn’t about shirking responsibility; it’s about maintaining standards and protecting your capacity to perform at your best.

Here’s how I approach it:

• Be clear about what’s achievable: “If we’re adding Project X, I’ll need to pause Project Y to ensure both get the focus they need and I can deliver well .”

• Be proactive: Suggest priorities rather than leaving it open-ended. Leaders are busy, and they’ll often appreciate the help in deciding what’s most important.

By framing boundaries as a way to protect quality and outcomes, you’re much more likely to gain support.

5. Keep Yourself in Check

Even with the best boundaries in place, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overwhelm. To avoid this, keep an eye on a few key things:

• Your energy levels: Are you constantly drained? That’s a red flag that something needs to change.

• Your workload signals: If deadlines are slipping or work feels rushed, it’s a clear sign it’s time to reassess.

• Your communication: Speak up early if things are creeping back to an unsustainable level. Silence often leads to more stress.

• Your confidence: If you’re starting to doubt yourself or feel like you can’t speak up, it might suggest the environment you’re in is becoming untenable.

And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Managing upwards takes practice, and it won’t always go perfectly. That’s okay. What matters is that you’re advocating for yourself and taking steps to create a healthier, more sustainable dynamic.

6. Trust Me, Communication Won’t Get You Sacked

Let’s be real: open communication with your boss is crucial, and no, it won’t get you sacked (unless you’re storming into their office with ranting and raving ). Investing in your relationship with your leader is the secret sauce for making tough conversations easier. Building trust and honesty creates a foundation where you can discuss challenges, set boundaries, and problem-solve together. When that’s in place, it’s less about convincing them and more about teaming up to tackle the real issues.

Final Thoughts

Managing your boss and your workload isn’t about confrontation—it’s about collaboration. It’s about recognising that you have a voice and using it to create balance, not just for you but for the outcomes you’re working towards. The more honest and proactive you are, the more likely you are to find a solution that works for everyone.

Oh, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed—that’s a clear signal that your needs and emotions are being overlooked. Overwhelm isn’t just about having too much to do; it’s often a tangle of emotions like frustration, self-doubt, and anxiety building up over time. Tackling overwhelm starts with naming those feelings and understanding their root causes.

Here are a few practical and biological strategies to help:

• Take a step back: Pause and assess what’s triggering the overwhelm. Is it the workload itself, or how you’re feeling about it?

• Regulate your nervous system: Techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or even a short walk can help bring your stress response under control.

• Prioritise small wins: Focus on one manageable task at a time to regain a sense of control.

• Seek support: Talk it through with someone you trust—sometimes just voicing it can bring clarity and if you need someone to help you organise your thoughts or boost your confidence, then seek a coach or mentor.

• Look after your body: Sleep, hydration, and proper nutrition aren’t just said for the sake of it—they have a direct impact on your brain’s ability to process stress and stay resilient.

Overwhelm needs attention, not avoidance. By tackling it both practically and biologically, you can move from feeling stuck to feeling empowered. And remember, work is important, but so is your well-being.

So, next time the tasks start piling up, remember: you have the power to shape the conversation and protect your energy. And trust me, it’s worth it.